Thursday, December 20, 2012

My thoughts on Me

Here's a thought ... 
As 2012 comes to a close most people take some time to reflect on the events of the past year.  I have done this, a quick reflection.  At first I thought, "Nah, nothing much happened to me", then I forced my mind back to the January & February.  I began to recall how much mental turmoil I was in about my job and it's conflict with my kids. Through March I struggled then finally, with the help of my husband, I made the choice to stop working, chose an end date and focused on that.  What a relief.  My last few months of real estate sales were fun and profitable, my kids were happy, hubby and I were happy.  The plans for the farm began to take shape and I could focus on hubby and all my kids - four in total.

The summer was busy with chores, household reno's and running the girls to soccer, oh so much soccer.  I had begun to morph into the stay home soccer mom.  I loved it.  However, as summer turned to fall, the kids were readying for back to school, I wondered what do I do now ?

Still busy with paperwork for our trucking company, it couldn't fill all my time.  I found myself missing the hustle of my former job, the mind stimulation and communicating with my peers and other adults.  I understand that many women go through this and I did after the birth of each of my kids.  This time would be different, this was what I would be doing, for a long time.  I had to adjust, figure out a way not to go mad.  Once the girls would return home from school and we would do homework I was fine.  They were full of questions and in learning new things were growing intellectually.  So, I began to read.  I would read blogs, news, all sorts of obscure and varied articles I found on the internet.  I had begun to exercise my brain again, in between all the chores of course.  I was busy, I was happy, not missing anything and I thanked hubby for allowing me this luxury of being with the kids.

It's funny how once fall kicks in full force many of us feel worn out, ready to hunker down for the winter that's about to come.  But I was still going strong, hubby and I had made plans for a late November tropical holiday.  The prospect of this adventure for us was uplifting to say the least.  By the way, Aruba was fantastic, sun, sand food and beverages.

Upon our return it was time to ready for Christmas and I had a great appreciation for my family.  As I reflected I found that the year 2012 was an evolutionary year for me.  I had a lot of time to think and process the changes that had and were taking place.  I had made good and bad decisions and good and bad changes.   I had begun to morph into someone "newish".  After living for 45+ years I suppose this is to be expected, but settling into this new me hasn't been easy and I know I need to work on a few areas.  I can only trust that by the spring of 2013 the painful morphing will be complete and the transition will be worth it.